GASLIT - Arts Council England Funded Project
Publicly Funded Project Exploring Narcissistic Abuse & Inner-Child Healing
In November 2020, Veronica Rowlands was awarded an Arts Council England grant to develop a body of work exploring and raising awareness of narcissistic abuse through socially engaged textile and illustration practice.
The funded project combined participatory workshops and studio-based artwork, working with survivors of abuse, individuals at risk, and adults in recovery settings across the London boroughs of Newham and Greenwich.
Clinical Collaboration
The workshop programme was developed in collaboration with Clinical Psychologist Dr Thomas Italiano, using inner-child healing frameworks and trauma-aware creative processes. Textile-based workshops supported participants to express personal experiences through symbolic and sensory making.
Insights, visual motifs, and metaphoric imagery emerging from the workshops informed a series of large-scale illustrations addressing the three recognised stages of the narcissistic abuse cycle:
Idealise, Devalue, Discard
Participatory Textile Outcomes
Workshop participants created textile patches that were assembled into a series of weighted blankets. These works function as both physical and symbolic objects - reflecting:
the restrictive and controlling dynamics of abusive relationships
the emotional complexity of attachment
the simultaneous experience of comfort and confinement
the difficulty of separation and recovery
The tactile weight of the blankets formed a central conceptual element of the project.
Exhibition & Public Presentation
The textile works and illustration series were presented together in the solo exhibition:
GASLIT - Shining a Light on Narcissistic Abuse
Espacio Gallery, August 2021
The project received critical coverage, including a feature and review published by the British Psychological Society.
https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/gaslit-shining-light-narcissistic-abuse
Love Bombing
Whatever the victim desires or feels that they need, the narcissist will show up as the ‘hero’ and then claim to be the one who can fill the void…
At the beginning of a relationship the Narcissist will often participate in something called ‘Love Bombing’.
Love bombing is an act of showering the partner with affection/gifts or whatever they decipher that their target desires in order to accelerate feelings and secure an attachment quickly.
“Being a victim of the love bomb is not pleasant at all. This behaviour is manipulative, destructive and, sometimes, even abusive.
It may start out feeling like everything you have always wanted. The thought that you may have, at last, found your soulmate may even cross your mind. The relationship moves rapidly, becoming deep and committed very quickly.”
- Goodtherapy.org
Devaluation
During the devaluation period the victim no longer feels safe with their partner, but at the same time sees losing them as a risk. The victim clings to the narcissist trying to justify the lack of love in their relationship and hoping that the person who they once met will come back eventually.
Discard
A narcissist will rarely stick to one relationship to satisfy his or her needs.
Narcissists’ relationships reflect the frailty of their self-esteem and it is unlikely that the validation they require will be provided by one partner only.
A narcissist will most likely engage several times in the same cycle and it is improbable that any of the partners will manage to meet his or her needs.
Narcissists tend to be adept at adjusting superficially to the needs of their partners and giving the illusion that they can provide the safety and connection sought by their new partner.
“Ultimately, the person with narcissism discards his or her dating partner, who served as a source of narcissistic supply to fuel the ego of the individual with narcissistic issues. When the target asks for compromise, reciprocity, empathy, integrity, honesty, and boundaries (all healthy and valid requests that people with extreme narcissistic qualities generally do not engage in), the person with narcissism may decide that the target has lost his or her luster and is tarnished—no longer the “perfect partner” to fluff the ego feathers.
Inevitably, the discarding occurs when the person with narcissism either disappears or orchestrates his or her ownabandonment.
The outcome is often shocking for the survivor, unclear as to how someone that he or she fell so deeply in love with could throw it all away.” Goodtherapy.org
Leaving
Victims frequently face conflict between wanting to stay and wanting to leave.
It is important for the survivor to gather sufficient courage to leave, whilst at the same time acknowledging that doing so can be a frightening and distressing experience. It may be tempting to cling onto good memories and the positive illusion.
Take time to admit to yourself that the relationship is taking more away from you than it is giving to you.
It can be beneficial to focus on grounding techniques (inner healing), self healing and increasing awareness of your own emotional needs, if you are in a relationship where you give repeatedly while the other takes.
Conversely, victims do not always consider themselves to be worthy of a mutual relationship. Healing ultimately comes about upon the individual’s realisation that they deserve an equitable relationship.
Partner
Often people who didn’t have all of their emotional needs met in childhood/children of narcissistic caregivers and people with low boundaries can become targets of Narcissists in their adult relationships.
The Narcissist will often use these unhealed wounds to draw their partner in, showing up as a ‘hero’, and one who can fill this void which their partner feels.
It is not uncommon for both partners to have experienced similar childhoods.
Narcissist’s childhood
It is important to remember that we all have Narcissistic needs. However, it is when these needs become prominent, and we relate to others solely in order to meet such needs, that relationships become abusive.
Not everyone with strong Narcissistic traits will fulfill the criteria for diagnosis; indeed, many relationships are likely to have narcissistic nuances.
When contemplating an individual with Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), it is important to bear in mind that no individual is born as being inherently bad.
NPD is a personality disorder which often starts in early childhood and it can be caused by traumas such as neglect. It also frequently occurs as a result of one caregiver abusing a child and the other over compensating for the ill treatment.
When examining abuse/trauma experienced by a person with NPD at a young age and subsequently leading to the development of this personality disorder.
I am also Interested in focusing upon any parallels/similarities related to the childhoods of the Narcissist and their victim which are likely to create a fierce attraction between the two, whilst at the same time forming two diametrically opposite personality types; one turning out to be empathic and the other destructive and manipulative.
“By definition, personality disorders are developed over time and through childhood experiences, genetics, and environment,” says Dr.Hallett, noting that as an adult, narcissistic traits on their own are not likely to develop into a personality disorder. Often, NPD will begin in the teenage years or early adulthood.
Scientists believe that the full onset of NPD may occur when interpersonal development is compromised, for example: Being born with an oversensitive temperament Learning manipulative behaviour from parents or peers
Being excessively praised for good behaviours and excessively criticized for bad behaviours.
Suffering from severe childhood abuse or neglect Inconsistent or unpredictable parental caregiving.” - Psycom.net
Weighted blanket installations
Quilts created during ‘healing’ art workshops by survivors of narcissistic abuse as part of my research for the exhibition.
During workshops participants were asked to illustrate metaphors for how they felt whilst in a toxic relationship, how they envisage the future looking and illustrations to appease their ‘inner-child’.
The adorned patches have been made into weighted blankets, acting as a metaphor for the depth of internal conflict for those experiencing psychological abuse - the restrictive nature of a narcissistic relationship but also the warmth and comfort that remaining within a the confines of the relationship can bring. The rocking chair is representative of the home (the place where victims are often most unsafe…behind closed doors).
Quilted blanket no 2 was created during workshops with survivors of domestic abuse at the Her Centre in Greenwich.
During workshops participants were asked to illustrate metaphors for how they felt whilst in a toxic relationship, how they envisage the future looking and illustrations to appease their ‘inner-child’.
The adorned patches have been made into weighted blankets, acting as a metaphor for the depth of internal conflict for those experiencing psychological abuse - the restrictive nature of a narcissistic relationship but also the warmth and comfort that remaining within a the confines of the relationship can bring. The rocking chair is representative of the home (the place where victims are often most unsafe…behind closed doors).
Quilted blanket no 3 was created during a series of workshops by the ‘well-being group’ of young people attending Ambition Aspire Achieve’ in Newham.
During the workshops participants were asked to create illustrations representative of their interpersonal relationships, how people’s behaviour made them feel and things which make them feel content…
